A lot of things happen that I have no control over. Oftentimes I find myself without a voice to say what must be said. So here I am with what I can remember, of things I wrote that I'm afraid to say out aloud.
The beauty of a sunset
Is that it doesn't last very long.
The sun steadily sinks below the horizon
Throwing shades of red across the sky.
After a few moments, the last of its rays
Disappear in the night.
And the glow in the horizon
Slowly fades to black.
The sun has set.
The day has passed.
And the sad thing is:
There is no going back.
-February 18, 2005
Hello. Do you remember me? We've met before, a long time ago. Perhaps a little too long. Despite that, I still haven't forgotten you, though I'm quite sure you don't remember me anymore. You've been a big part of my life, though I know I played little in yours. You have brought me joy, yet you've also given me endless grief.
Why did you have to be so beautiful?
Why did you have to be so unforgettable?
Why did you have to be so indifferent?
I see you quite often and it hurts me so, because even though I can manage to spot you in a crowd, you don't even seem to notice me, even if I passed right in front of you. Now I'm reduced to speaking to you though you're not here; telling you things you will never get to hear. Perhaps that is my destiny, to talk to shadows and chase after stars; shadows that vanish in the light and stars too high to reach.
July 27, 2003
There are so many things I want to tell you,
So many things I wish you knew
Of how I felt when I first saw you
And till today I still do.
I want to gaze upon your eyes
And lose myself within their depths...
I want to let you feel my heart
Just to let you know it's there...
I want to make you smile and laugh
And take all your fears away...
I want you to know that I'll be there
If ever you have need of me...
I've lost a great deal of my heart before
To people who threw it out the door
And all I have left is the core,
How I wish I can give you more.
- Jan 25, 2005
Who are you who comes to haunt me
Who are you who invades my mind
Who are you whom I keep remembering
Who are you whom I seek to find
In the darkness of despair
I turned around to see you there
You bring with you a shining spark
But leave despair as your mark
Yet I cannot seem to turn away
From the beauty you display
And when your visage has passed by
You mark my heart to sink, to die
Who are you who comes to haunt me
Who are you who invades my mind
Who are you whom I keep remembering
Who are you whom I can't seem to find.
- January 20, 2005
How do you tell a girl you like her
When you're afraid of what she might say
Though she can make the darkest night
Seem to be the brightest day
How will you make her see the real you
When you don't even pass her view
How will she hear the words you cry
When your voice is muted to a sigh
How will she feel the beat of your heart
When both of you are so far apart
How will she ever truly know
The love that you refuse to show.
She walks along the breeze
Floating with the wind
Soaking up the sun
Smiling happily.
She puts my soul at ease
When her eyes look my way
I feel I can forget
The troubles of my day.
I wish that I could tell her
What my heart whispers to my ear
But I'm afraid she'll never see
An image that is truly me.
Not every cloud has a silver lining
Not every story has a happy ending
Every dream shall end upon waking
And hopes diminish with every failing
So shall memories be forgotten
As everything fades to nothing.
A day never seemed so short as when I am in her midst. Time just glides by and then it's over so suddenly. I never imagined that a moment could be stretched so long as like forever until I experienced the silent interim between her every word, where my soul hung on the edge of time lasting for but a beat of a heart. In her eyes I saw the spark of life that encompasses in brilliance all the gems of the world. Her smile felt like the warm rays of the sun in a chilly windswept morning, or the cool soothing breeze under the glare of the scorching sun. Her voice, a melody of sound that flows in gentle splendor; so sweet a music that the stars strain themselves to hear over the vast distances of space. But all these things shy in comparison with her presence. In just her presence, all my worries dissipate. Everything else vanishes, save for her. With her, I can smile again, dream again, live again.
- February 14, 2004
Memories.
Forgotten memories,
Long lost within the mind.
They surge up through the deep abyss
To smother all my thoughts
To extinguish all my dreams
To keep me on the brink of sleep
And haunt me as it seems.
They sing of countless failures
They dance to broken hearts
They frolic on my misery
And just won't let me be.
And in the guise of joy,
I opened my arms to woe.
A hugged so tight
I never felt the dagger hit me so.
And as I stand here bleeding,
A heartbeat from collapse
Where one strong gust can knock me down
And never let me up,
I see the world around me
Unveiled for one last time
And with it all the glory
I never seem to find.
- July 6, 2003
It is in death that we all live for
The destination of our journey
Never will there be anything more,
A certainty in finality.
A release from life so tightly bound
To break the shackles of emotion
And leave this world without a sound
As our time stops from moving on.
The final breath that we would take
We try so hard to hold it in
For we can nevermore partake
The rapture that the air brings in.
Exhale, and our precious lives are through
Nothing more shall we ever do.
- July 29, 2003
A haunting silence
That screams of nothing
Amidst a buzz of formless voices;-
The noise of now
Drowned by thoughts forgotten
Within the torrent of the mind;-
The moment gone.
Forever lost.
Scattered throughout time,
To welcome back Reality.
For now.
- June 24, 2003
Alone.
Along the empty hallways.
A distant echo of footsteps -
Strains my ear to hear.
Running.
Towards an unknown.
Nothing.
Strangers all.
Alone.
Again.
- June 24, 2003
A question forms upon my mind
A longing for an answer
This thought will never be defined
Nothing shall I discover.
For in my mind there is confusion
A disarray of all my thoughts
Chaos brought out by emotion
Where no logic can be sought.
Thinking beyond reason
Insanities abound
Until all sense weaken
And can never be found.
- March 9, 2003
When the day has finally ended
And the sun has fallen from the sky,
The moon shall rise before me
And greet me with a sigh
For she has seen the sorrow
That has visited my eye,
And though she tries to hide it
It was clear that she did cry.
So for the tears, I thank thee
O moon up there so high
And pray you won't be saddened more
If my heart should ache to die.
- March 1, 2003
Peering through a moonless night
Beneath a sky devoid of light
With only stars, a distant plight
That come from souls who lost their sight.
I walk amidst the shadows black
With cheerless heart, I turned my back
A single tear escapes my eye
A silent word, a sad goodbye
And as I try to walk away
I hear myself begin to say
Never have I felt so torn
As when you tell me not to mourn
For this sadness far exceeds
Any hope as my heart bleeds
Yet every wish these ears might hear
From you, I'd sworn I'd treat them dear.
- February 28, 2003
Is there hope beyond despair?
A speck of life in a desolate wasteland
There is where my soul resides
Unreachable to all but myself.
For one so cursed, I am lucky
I find solace in my grief.
Though tears of sorrow have long gone
The hurt I cried is still within.
And every now and then I feel
The pain inside me breaking free
Intent on living in my soul
To torment me endlessly.
Is there hope beyond despair?
I don't know, none can tell.
All they say is, See the good,
Rebuild your soul which once have stood.
Reach high; aim for the sky.
You may soar yet; relearn to fly.
And then you'll see a world so vast
Not just the dirt where you stood fast.
I don't know if I should believe
The advise these people say I heed.
From where I stand, all I can see
Is an endless land of misery.
That is all in life for me,
Nothing beyond which I can see.
- February 2002
